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Penis Brain vs. Vagina Brain

symbolsBy: James T. Horning © 2014
Note: The following article is largely excerpted from the book How To Make Your Woman Want You by James T. Horning.

John Gray in his best selling book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,  uses the Mars and Venus metaphor to help us understand the differences between men and woman. The metaphor illustrates the extreme and often incomprehensible differences in the way men and women think, communicate and love. As helpful and insightful as Dr. Gray’s message has been, I prefer to view men and women as two sides of the same coin, the quintessential yin and yang of the universe, perhaps even the two faces of God personified in human beings. There is no finer complement in the universe than a man and woman.

So, stop trying to change each other. We’re supposed to be different.  The extreme differences between us are what attract us together in the beginning but seem to drive us crazy in this thing we call marriage. Most problems in relationships come from men and women thinking and acting like we’re the same. We’re clearly not!  Get over it and embrace it! Let’s just look at a few obvious differences. Some, your’e probably cool with and others you would like to change but shouldn’t.

  1. You’re male, she’s female.
  2. You’ve got a penis, she has a vagina. Thank God!
  3. You pee standing up, she does it sitting down.
  4. You’re mono-orgasmic, she’s multi-orgasmic.
  5. You have pecs, she has breasts.
  6. You have strength, she has softness.
  7. You like to kill things, she likes to nurture things.
  8. You like to grill, she likes to bake.
  9. You think objectively, she thinks subjectively.
  10. She can have babies, you can’t. (Good thing too. You couldn’t handle the pain.)
  11. She bleeds once a month, you don’t. (And thank God you don’t because we’d probably be running down to the ER every time it happened.
  12. You like the bed firm, she like it soft.
  13. She likes to talk about her feelings, you don’t want feelings.
  14. She shops, you buy.
  15. You want to feel like a hero, she wants to be rescued.
  16. You need to understand why, she just “wants what she wants”.
  17. You are logical, she is intuitive.
  18. You think she’s crazy, she thinks you’re stupid.
  19. You like Argentine Malbec, she likes California White Zinfandel.
  20. You can use sex as a way of reconnecting with your partner whereas she wants to reconnect before she has sex.
  21. You’re a micro-wave and she’s a crock-pot. You can get aroused just looking at a naked woman, any woman. She gets aroused by feeling secure, loved, romanced, nurtured, focused on, sexy, kissed, touched, tantalized … I think you know the progression.
  22. You think fly fishing on a remote lake in Saskatchewan that takes you three days to get to by canoe is a vacation. She thinks vegan cooking classes followed by yoga and a facial at Canyon Ranch Spa is a vacation.
  23. You’re five minutes in the bathroom, she’s an hour.
  24. She takes small problems and makes them as big as possible, you pretend   big problems are less significant than they really are.
  25. You need a reason for everything, she gives you the reason.
  26. You want to be inspired, she’s your inspiration.

By now you’re thinking, “Yah, we’re total f**king opposites. You’re darn right you are and you want to keep it that way.  But you know, it’s really cool!” What we’re talking about here is polarity. Polarity is opposite poles attracting each other. Polarity is what enamors you to the opposite sex.  It’s what instigates the infatuation and euphoria experienced in courtship. Polarity keeps you coming back for more. It’s the “Can’t live without them” part of the old adage we all know by heart. However, if you implement the principles in this book, the “You can’t live with ‘em” part will change.  It’s what makes a marriage passionate.  Polarity and the sex you have as a result of it is the primary thing that makes marriage different than all other relationships. Without passion and sex, all you have is a contractual “working” relationship.

To live in harmony with the opposite sex you’ve got to unconditionally love, accept and support them just the way they are. Saying this is obviously easier than doing it. It really helps to learn how to elicit your mates needs from them and how to meet those needs on their terms. Learning the languages and communication styles of the opposite sex pays huge dividends. Identifying disempowering beliefs about marriage and sex and replacing them with new paradigms can turn your relationship on its head. These all are  building blocks of having a great marriage.

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